Yesterday, proved quite a test for me. I have been involved in a Bible study for about 5 weeks on Esther. It is written by Beth Moore. I am amazed at how much I never saw in this book. This week we are looking at Haman's attitude towards honor and praise, his hunger for it, and his drive to be lord over a kingdom. I aasked the Lord to help me pull out any wickedness in my heart that desires mans praise and AttaBoys. Not too long after that, one of my "friends," who I have been waiting on for such praise and adoration because I took pictures at her wedding, not only blows my bubble of expectation but shoots right through my heart with so many false accusations that I am still befuddled at the whole thing. The wedding was eight months ago. My son told me to examine the information to see if I can own any of it and work on those things. Everything in me wants to hold court, petition the experts, and help her to erase such ludicrous ideas from her head. I do take courage in the fact that most of what she said was outright lies and not misunderstandings. If it had been misunderstandings, then it would be my fault too for a breakdown in communication, but except for my take charge "bossiness" and "pushiness" it was lies. She accused me of purposely interfering with the main photographers ability to get good pictures, flash collision, and telling everyone things I never said. So here I am asking the Lord once again to pull out of me my desire to be a people pleaser, craving honor as Haman did, and seeking the praise of man.
My son says do not dwell on the lies but take truth, dismiss the other, and look for the higher ground.
My husband says she sounds like a friend not worth having.
It is true that the higher ground is not as crowded, but sometimes I get distracted by the lower roads forking off.
Then last night I hear this quote at the end of CSI. Two guys are talking and the one expresses a desire to have evil punished severly. I loved what the other guy warned, "Careful . . . evil has a way of making friends with the good and dragging them into the darkness."

What an awesome week spiritually for me.
A couple weeks ago, I envisioned this new woman because I got a haircut, my contacts finally came in, and changes in me because of Bible study. It's true; my haircut is shorter than it has been in a long time. My eyes shine more without glasses to hide behind. Most changes are inner workings that only I can see.

Another major thing not necessarily for me, but a dear, dear friend sits at the bedside of her dying grandmother. It could be any day. The pain of my friend's heart saying goodbye and not sure when the final goodbye will be is hard. I want to make it better, to hold them tight, but to hold her hand is all I can do. I know it helps just being there, but I want to do more. Two weeks ago our Esther study was about Esther's desire to ease Mordecai as he sat at the gates in sackcloth and ashes. Humans have a hard time looking into pain and suffering without desiring to ease or erase it.

Today is a new day. I still need breakfast and a walk. Goals today include cleaning my house and going through the summer clothes.